I aim to please. That’s no secret for those that know me. That’s why I bring this blog to the world.
I think I just heard your eyes roll.
I jest of course about the reasoning behind this blog. For those that are new to RoseOverExposed.Blogspot.
1. Welcome - No matter how you found this and no matter how bored you must be to be reading this right now, welcome.
2. This blog was created back in 2009 as a way for me to remember what I do when I travel. You may be surprised at a couple of things: A. How bad my memory really is. B. I refer to this blog often to remember the things I’ve done over my life. C. Yes. My memory really is that poor.
Pleasing others seems to be very firmly engrained in my being. And I like that. However, I am aware that sometimes my desire to please others gets in the way of me doing things that I actually want to do and it also hinders me taking care of myself. There’s a balance there, isn’t it?
Also, what is balance?
I’ve written about balance in the past and how elusive it can be for me. (Side note: like always, I’m only speaking from my own experience hence the reason you will see me use “I” language a lot. Feel free to take what you like and leave the rest from what you see.). Sometimes I’m going to be in balance taking care of others, their needs as well as my own. Other times I’ll be out of balance. Sometimes I’m going to come off selfish. And it’s all ok. It’s not my intent to be selfish. Life is messy as I’m discovering. People’s perceptions, as well as my own, are colored by many factors.
And that’s where I get hung up: When I default to the “keep everyone happy” mentality, I go through life attempting to guess what those around me and even those not around think I should do. Sounds like fun, doesn’t it? Correct, it’s not.
But when I can show up and be clear about who I am, who I want to be, what I’m willing to do and what I’m not willing to do, then life is a lot simpler. It’s not easy of course, but when I remember that I’m the one that gets to vote on what I’m going to do, it sure does make things a lot simpler and cleaner.
And sometimes I’m in that mode. Others I’m not. Thank goodness for awareness. How do I become aware?
1. Meditation has been a real help for me lately. Insight Timer is an app that has some really cool, and free, guided mediations. It’s really amazing how much better I feel physically after doing a mediation ESPECIALLY if I can do it without judging my experience as good or bad or whatever.
2. Writing ALWAYS helps me. Even if I write a couple of sentences. Even writing like I am now on this plane is helpful. Now, I’m aware that what I’m writing now is public and will be read by countless people (yeah, you’re right, it’s probably closer to 8 people) so I hold back a bit, even though I’ve gotten a little bolder. But when I write for just me, it’s raw, open and super honest. And guess what? It feels good. And let me be clear, I write openly about my fears which, if I judge them, can be really silly. But when I write, I just write. I get things out. I’m very thankful for writing.
3. Others speaking truth into my life. This one is tough for me. For a guy like me that spends so much time trying to make others think I’m doing ok (a trait I’m not proud of), it’s tough to hear someone say something like, “that’s why you don’t get what you want because you don’t go after.” 
But you know what, that statement a few months ago was what I needed to hear.
The judgement piece is key for me. I walk around most days perceiving judgment from others which, spoiler alert, is me projecting the judgments I have about myself onto others. That’s why the self acceptance and self love piece is so key for me. Admittedly, it’s a struggle for me. There’s still something VERY loud in me saying things like:
You should have done more
You should have know that
What a freeing stance it is for me when I’m just simply ok with who I am and with the thoughts I’m having.
Connection is key for me too. Connection with others. And with myself. I heard a couple of sessions this weekend that talked about the importance of connection and how research is showing that connection is more key to the survival of a human than food, water and shelter. That’s interesting to me as I think about how “connected” I am digitally and yet often I feel lonely. And you know what? Loneliness is just a feeling. I can feel it, acknowledging its presence and keep moving. I don’t have to judge the heck out of it. I CAN judge it if I want to. Those are the rough days when I do that. It creates a shame cycle, or as Mark Manson calls it “the feedback loop from hell.” Might be worth the Google.
Connection. True connection. What a beautiful thing. I’ve experienced a lot of that in my life. Most people have. I experienced more of it this weekend. What a better place than the Final Four to be reminded of that? What another incredible weekend it was with BC, Billy and Dards and all of the people I met and reconnected with along the way. Thank you guys for providing another weekend of fun and memories. #TypicalCavalier (clearly that’s an inside joke. Want to be apart of future inside jokes? We’ll see you in Atlanta in 2020). Being able to hang around this crew at least once per year is a true highlight in my life. Thank you guys for your love and acceptance over the years.
And wow. What a treat to see Jarrell Brantley play in the Reese’s All Star Game AND watch him and his squad with the National 3 on 3 Championship. What a great and loving kid, that oh yeah can really play ball.
A couple of shoutouts:
- Thanks Justin Rose for the recommendation of using Rover. Emily has been a rock star for shorter trips like these. Pictured are my two pups.....Toby and Ellie
- Bill Walden....you were a hoot at the Virginia Athletic Foundation event we got into. Feel free to ask how we got into this event Friday night. Fun times. #GoHoos
- The girl that pointed us in the direction of the Jimmy Johns for dinner one evening.
- The guy that sat completely still while being approached by a man that was clearly out of his mind on the Light Rail. How he didn't budge was incredible in the face of what he was going through in that moment.
- Dr. Eddie and Dr. Niemann - Great content in the NABC clinics about the mental side of sports and life. I loved that they brought a discussion of real feelings and emotional/mental well-being to the Final Four.
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