The Morning Walk

I was fortunate to work with The University of South Carolina Men's Basketball team as a Graduate Assistant between the years of 2004-2006.  The experiences I had then were rich beyond measure and probably need to be the subject a book of stories one day.  And as the author Byron Katie would say, "Drop the 'probably.'"

If memory serves me correctly, it was during that second season that Matt Jennings, our Strength Coach, pitched to us to start walking back to the hotel after morning shootarounds on game days where we were on the road.  (Remind me to tell sometime about the laughs we would all share if someone ever called him the Weight Coach.  "Yep.  That's me.  Out here coaching weights!")

For those of you unfamiliar with college basketball, a shootaround is a practice of sorts the morning of the game to allow the guys to get shots up in the arena where we would be playing that night and have one final scouting report walk through to prepare for our opponent.  Typically the shootarounds were in the morning.  

So we started doing it.  Those walks, even though I struggle to remember the details (probably should have been blogging then to remember) provided opportunities to connect with locals, see local sights and also provided amazing chances for us as a group of GAs and staff to bond.  And all of that happened simply because we listened to Matt and just walked.  

Until I started walking like that I didn't know how much of a walker I was.  I mean, I really love to walk.  I love to walk cities.  I love to walk neighborhoods.  I love to walk on a treadmill.  My favorite, though, is to walk cities and neighborhoods that I don't know discovering nooks and crannies that I didn't know existed much like we experienced on our Matt Walks™️.

In recent months I've had morning walks in Charleston, Phoenix and now this morning in Madrid.  The best morning walk is the one I don't plan on taking.  That's what happened this morning.  

After a long night flight where, of course, I didn't sleep, and a full day of 35,000+ steps around Madrid (yes, you read that correctly), I slept for 11 hours and woke up dazed and confused and with a couple of hours to burn before hopping the train that I am now on to Seville.  

So I got out for an impromptu walk.  I searched for breakfast first and got the best pincho tortilla (Spanish omelette) I have had yet, stopped by a local grocery (mercado) and went in a general store of sorts and also a thrift shop.  Yep.  Think "His House" in Columbia vibes.  No.  Not Goodwill.  His House Broad River.  Lo siento if you don't get the reflerence.  This is a true "if you know, you know" situation. 

I've discussed before on this blog, and in person, it's not the place that makes the experience for me.  It's the people.  And on my walk this morning it was the people that shaped the experience for me, not the places.  

I have been incredibly fortunate to live the life and have the experiences I have had up to this point.  And in my travels I have discovered that most foreign cities have streets, they have shops, they have tourist things to do and see, and they have restaurants.  And I am not saying they are all the same.  They're not.  But at some point, a foreign city or town is just that.  Foreign.  It has places that I am not used to seeing.  And it was in those places this morning that my experience of Madrid was truly shaped through the people I encountered along with the beliefs about me that I carry. 

My first stop was a restaurant.  I wasn't sure they were open because no one was eating in there.  So I went to the counter and reached deep into my Rolodex of Spanish and asked the girl behind the counter, "¿abrir?"  attempting to ask if they were open.  

Nothing.  She just stared at me.  

I had a quick panic inside realizing that I was in a place wherein likely no English was being spoken.  

Then I quickly shifted into an attitude of "this is PERFECT."  I knew deep inside this was the type of place I was looking for.  See my post about playing guitar in that restaurant in Japan for a deeper explanation of what I mean.  

I ordered my pincho tortilla and cortado (Spanish coffee) and sat down.  I needed a fork, and not knowing the word for fork, I played a fun game of charades to get a fork from the girl behind the counter.  I must say, we made a pretty good team. 

I sat in this cafe and enjoyed the sights and sounds of a local cafe in Madrid.  Locals came in and out getting their coffees, speaking to the workers, and just living life.  Spanish music, heavy on the salsa, played in the background. 

It was heavenly. 

As it came time for me to leave, I Google Translated (yes it's a verb) how to say:

"What do I owe?"

"Breakfast was very good."

The girl lit up, as most foreigners do, when I made my attempt to say these phrases in her native language.  I said goodbye and was off to my next stop.  

As I made it back to the street I realized then that I had stumbled into an impromptu morning walk and I was in a part of town where locals were.  I love being a tourist, but I really love to see what local life is about when I travel. 

Next stop was the mercado where, when I first entered, I smiled that one of the workers from the restaurant I just visited was buying a bag full of tomatoes.  It was a small store but had just about everything one would ever need to live.  

What made this experience so rich?  The cashier.  When she realized that I didn't speak Spanish, her face lit up.  She was so kind in playing her own game of charades showing me what I owed and asking me if I needed a bag.  

(By the way I just passed Ciudad Real Central Airport.  It apparently is an airport that opened in 2009 and went bankrupt 3 years later and features a 13,000 foot runway.  That's long.  https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ciudad_Real_International_Airport)

If you know me and/or read this blog you'll know that one of my core misbeliefs is that I don't belong.  I don't mention that for you to say, "Awwww but you do belong Brian."  

I also know that I belong.  And yet, sometimes I forget.  I actively generate the belief that I do belong and remind myself of it often.  But.  If I'm not careful, the belief that I don't belong (coupled with the belief that I'm not good enough) will push me around and I will find in the world what I am generating myself meaning that I will find that I don't belong and that I'm not good enough.  Interesting how that works, isn't it?

I say all of that to say:  being in a foreign country, not speaking the language and coupled with being tired from travel and not actively generating beliefs of belonging and being good enough can cause me to start to spiral into a rough spot.  I was beginning to climb into my head and spiral last night and a little this morning.  This is what I do when I start to BELIEVE that I don't belong and BELIEVE that I am not good enough.  Thankfully this morning I reminded myself of simple truths:

I am loved 

I belong

I don't have to do anything to earn love 

I am good enough

I am loved unconditionally

It was because I generated and carried those beliefs that I was able to accept the love and care that the people this morning gave me as well as accept the love and care from those I engaged with yesterday during a really fun Free Walking Tour (thank you Walkative for making it easy to sign up). 

This is one of the main things I love about travel.  It's a Petri dish for me to work on the things I am working on all of the time.  Working on them in a foreign country gives me a different angle to work on them.  It really feels like I'm lifting weights, struggling with generating these beliefs and deepening my knowing of the beliefs I'm working to generate. 

It is really easy for me to walk into a place here and feel like I don't belong.  Let's face it.  I don't speak the language, I look like I'm not from here and I'm an American.  I mention the last part because a vendor I visited last night seemed to have said something derogatory about me as an "Americano."  But that's going to happen.  It happens in my life back home.  I'm not going to make everyone happy.  Nor is it my responsibility to do so.  

It was a fascinating morning and thanks to Matt and our morning walk crew for teaching me the power of a morning walk in an area I don't know, and for teaching me the value of having an open mind while on these walks.  

It's one of my favorite things about me:  my ability to show up.  Be open. Be curious.  Be loving. 

My experience of life is so much richer when I show up like that. 

On to Seville I go.  

I wonder what magic I will encounter there. 

This picture was taken on my morning walk near my hostel, Siesta and Go. I recommend this hostel as a quiet and clean place to recharge.  

I love this picture for several reasons.  Some which I may discuss later.  

Carlos

I've set an intention for this trip. And, no. I'm not ready to share it publicly yet. Lo siento. 

I'll tell you more about it later. 

Just now I landed in Madrid. Well, me and 300 of my closest friends. Sitting next to me the entire flight was Carlos. And as often happens, we didn't start a conversation until we landed. 

Carlos is a kind and gentle Spaniard. He realllllly wanted me to know the Spanish word for beer. 
I told him my plans for this trip and he said they are perfect. 

Positive connection with a local #1 is in the books. 

Looking forward to more.

He’s Cool, Trust Me

Picture this. 

I'm in a restaurant with some of my buddies watching the Final Four games. I get up, walk to the bathroom. 

On my way I pass a waitress telling our waiter, Colton, "Ok, I'm going to go grab some coffee. Do you want some?"

I immediately piped up, "Yes." 

She looked at me funny. 

I laughed as I kept on walking to the bathroom. And Colton came to my rescue: "He's cool. Trust me."

Let me be really honest. I've felt stuck for the past few months. Locked up. Afraid. You know, just stuck. 

Hearing Colton say those words really helped me smile and laugh at myself and remind myself of the playfulness that I can embody when I choose to. Lately, I've leaned into more seriousness. I'm just stating that as a fact.  I want to be more playful.  More fun. More honest. 

It hasn't all been serious, but I've just felt locked up. 

This weekend was a help for me getting unlocked too. 

I was at The Final Four. An event that I have enjoyed since my first trip in 2002. I was with old friends and even made a new one: a fascinating coach from Greece. So, yes. There was plenty to talk about. 

Good food. Good times. Good learning in sessions. And good walks. 

Short post. On the plane back from DFW. Ready to be home.

Put It On the Travel Blog, Coach

Ok, Coach. I'm finally doing it. I'm putting it on the travel blog. 

One of my favorite things is to view shooting stars. Meteors. My favorite place to do that is on a beach at or near Litchfield, SC. There is something about the light there that produces brilliant streaks of white light when a meteor passes. 

I love just staring at the sky, anticipating, waiting to see one. And then. THERE'S ONE! There has to be another one soon right? And maybe there will be. Maybe there won't be. 

Lots of times it feels like there is a realllllly faint meteor that can be seen. I am never sure that it is or isn't though. 

Why do I bring that up while I'm flying back from Newark, NJ? Great question. And no, I'm not flying. I'm riding. Or as Pete Holmes would say, "sitting still in the sky."

I bring it up because it is my belief that lessons are coming to me all the time. They are flying by like meteors. Sometimes I see them. Sometimes I don't. Sometimes they are really bright. Sometimes they are really faint. 

For some reason it seems like I see more lessons (meteors) when I travel. When I'm out of my routine. 

I saw some yucky things about myself on this trip.
Avid readers of this blog (of which there are a countless few) know that one of my main core misbeliefs is that I'm not good enough. And all of the yucky things I saw in myself during this trip are tied to that belief. 

Frankly, I saw my unhealthy dependency on others. But deeper than that, I saw an unhealthy dependency on what others think of me. I have had the great fortune the past week to hear things directly from friends and people professionally that were hard for me to hear. 

My feelings were hurt. There were clear statements about me, what I did and how they felt about me and guess what? They weren't happy with me. 

I fight so, so hard to have everyone happy with me. It's a learned behavior. And guess what? People aren't always happy with me. The anxiety, and tension as a friend said this morning, is almost unbearable for me to experience if someone isn't pleased with me. 

But it is bearable. Life continues to move forward. I'm still alive. Someone being upset with me didn't kill me. 

But like it said, my "Not Good Enough" is involved. He doesn't like it. For now, I'm going to call that part of me NGE Brian. NGE Brian needs everyone happy. Needs everyone to love him. To tell him he's being a good little boy. That keeps him going. 

I told a friend of mine this morning that I still believe that all of this yuckiness comes back to how I feel about me. 

When I believe:
-That I'm not good enough
-That only I can do things
-They I can't ask for help
-That I'm broken

….then this is where I end up. And I know better than to live life this way. And yet, oftentimes I find myself in this same spot: Empty. Tired. Lonely. Hurting. 

I suppose that I'm simply just seeing a shooting star. A meteor. A lesson. 

Ultimately, I am thankful for travel. I'm thankful for the experiences from this trip. I'm thankful for the friends, old and new, that I got to connect with while here. 

And my hope is that I can stand in awe and wonder of this lesson like I stand in awe and wonder of the shooting stars at Litchfield. And my hope is that I can hold myself with love, compassion, and acceptance as I walk through it.

I'm finding that love, compassion and acceptance is one of the most difficult and challenging things to give myself. And it's needed for the freedom that I seek.

You Are Welcome

This is a different kind of post. 

Posting, by the way, I've learned a lot about recently. But I digress. 

Normally when I'm traveling I'm writing about what I experience for my memory, and with my last few trips, I have dipped my toes into the waters of vulnerability to share what I learn about myself when I travel. Sharing publicly about the misbeliefs I carry about myself, others and the world has been really helpful. If you're interested in some of those posts, I would direct you to this post from my travels to Japan about hiding, this one from Europalooza about intentions, and this one from Cuba. There are others, but hopefully you find those helpful.  

Delta Airlines CEO Ed Bastian and his marketing team seem to be really dialed in these days. In a post from a few years back I talked about how his preflight video message of how travel challenges beliefs, and that travel is the ultimate teacher really struck a chord with me. The preflight video on this summer's trip speaks about breaking out of a rut with travel and seeing the colors of the world through travel. I love this so much. 

This summer I traveled, like REALLY traveled, for the first time since 2019. Now, let me be honest. I don't think I have been in too much of a rut (maybe a tiny one in some areas of my life). In the past four years I have done some really cool things (look up Pilot's License in the Dictionary and there I will be). 

But, let me be clear:  This trip was needed.

Now, let me circle back to my opening preface for a moment. I'm not going to talk about the things that I did, the places I saw, how long I was gone, the people I met, the food I ate, nor anything else logistically-related to this trip. 

I took a trip. The trip was needed. And I learned. 

Holy crap did I learn.

I learned from those I traveled with. Those I met along the way. I learned from myself. I learned about others.

 

I learned about myself. 

There is nothing like travel, being in a different part of the world, being around different people, a different culture, to allow me to look at myself in a fresh light. I suspect I "fall asleep" to myself when I'm back home, in a way. When I'm in my routine. And that makes it harder to see the lessons that are presenting themselves. 

Without the structure of my house, my work, my routines and other, I've been able to take a different look at some misbeliefs I have about myself and the world.  The main themes are still the same for me:

• I don't have to prove I'm worthy.  I'm worthy of love as I am.  There's nothing for me to DO to earn love.  I'm accepted just as I am, wants and all. 

• What I want IS important.  I can state those wants. And I can have what I want.  I deserve to have what I want.

• I belong.  I don't have to make myself an outcast for any reason at all.  And trust me.  I can find the reasons if I look. 

• I don't have to be perfect. 

• I can ask for help. I don't have to do everything by myself. Asking for help can actually bring others joy. 

• Conflict and friction are triggers.  Do I want to show up as me and realize that people may not like all of me?  Or do I want to be a chameleon and morph into who I think others want me to be.  I've done the latter a lot.  Maybe it's time for me to practice stepping out more and saying what I think, feel, want and need.  And then work out any differences that come up.  

Whew there is a lot there. 

Now, I'd like to pivot slightly and discuss three words in the rest of this post.  And those three words form a phrase that a lot of us say. I know I've said it and I haven't given too much thought as to why I say it. 

Normally when someone says "Thank you" it is reciprocated with "You are welcome." Right? Sounds familiar. You've said it. I've said it. We've all heard it. But, why is it "You are welcome?" I mean really. 

The internet is littered with different theories about the origins of "you are welcome." And let me tell you, the 24 seconds of research I just did was exhausting. So I'm not going to discuss those theories here.

I'm simply going to talk about those three words that were spoken to me as I entered the Air India Lounge at JFK. 

I scanned in with my Priority Pass (Get it. Don't wait. Just get it. You'll thank me. And yes, you are welcome), walked into the lounge, surveyed the area to get a lay of the land, and a small, presumably Indian man said, "Hello sir. You are welcome."

I was stunned. 

I looked in his eyes, and found that he really meant it. I mean, he really meant it. 

You are welcome.

He then helped me find a seat in the crowded lounge, and for the past 20 minutes or so I have watched him walk around, painstakingly doing his job of taking care of customers and now he is locked in a conversation with a traveler.

You are welcome. 

The danger of writing is that you can't really HEAR how he said it, and how I HEARD it. So let me try to explain it.

He said: YOU are welcome.

That's not quite it. It was more like you ARE welcome.

Almost. I think it was more like: You. Are. Welcome.

Or maybe it was a combination of all of the above. 

Here's the thing. I felt seen. I felt loved. I felt accepted. I felt like I could be me. 

Now, listen, those are things I'm working on generating myself. However, while traveling, things can be a little hectic. 

I haven't slept much the last 24 hours. I've been navigating airports. I've been crammed into airplane seats between people I don't know. I've gone through US Customs. And so to walk into yet another unfamiliar place and here "You. Are. Welcome." Wow. It was incredibly powerful. It's blown open some more space to be more kind and loving to myself. More kind and loving to others. It's just what I needed. 

There were several times on this trip that I put myself in the "I'm not welcome" circle. No one did that to me. I did that to myself. I generated that. Thankfully I have enough awareness these days to catch myself doing that to me fairly quickly. And when I'm really spiraling I have kind, loving and honest people I can call to help point out some truth that I need to hear. Thank you to L, C, R and D for being there for me. You modeled "You. Are. Welcome." for me. 

This is the thing I want to bring back from this trip. A deeper level of WELCOME for myself as well as a deeper level of WELCOME of other people. There is not much room for judgment, separation and isolation when "You. Are. Welcome." is present. Possibly there is no room for judgment at all. There is love. Connection. Fun. Acceptance. All of the things I've been longing for and I suspect that we are all longing for. 

I feel it right now. I am welcome. I am welcome here. I'm writing in an Air Indian Lounge. And I'm welcome. I am loved. I don't have to DO anything. I don't have to LOOK a certain way. I don't have to BE anyone that I'm not.

I. Am. Welcome. 

I wonder what issues in the world would be resolved if we all generated, first, welcome for ourselves and then welcome for everyone we come into contact with.

I want others to experience this feeling.

Thanks Jackie

This is a travel blog.  I'd like to be clear about that.  But maybe not the type of travel blog you are accustomed to reading.  Oh, you don't read travel blogs?  Fair enough.  Thank you for your honesty.  This is more of a travel blog about being human.  The ups.  Downs.  Everything in between.  

July 2019 was the last time I've been overseas.  I went to Japan.  You can read about it through links on this blog if you'd like.  It was an epic trip that brought me to meeting epic people all over that island.  

And soon I'll be going overseas again.  And I am thinking of trying something new this time.  I would like to write here as per usual, however I may abstain from talking about the places I see, the people I meet, the things I do.  I mean, maybe I will talk about those things from time to time because it really does help my memory.  

This time I think I may focus even more on what I'm learning.  What I'm seeing.  What I'm believing about myself.  What I'm believing about the world. 

Like tonight. I want to talk about what I saw tonight. Tonight I was reminded of the power of love.  Love of others.  Love from others.  Love of self.  The type of love that says, "Hey. I love you.  You don't have to do anything except be you and I love you."  I experienced that again.  I experienced that of myself and from others.  And I experienced that while watching others.  Watching others break down walls and show each other mercy.  Mercy like, "Gosh I'm tired of fighting. I love you." 

And it has me jazzed up about life.  Love, y'all. Jackie Dickinson is right.  It's what the world needs now y'all.  Give to yourself.  Give it others. 

Talk to you around the world.  Maybe. 

See You In 2022

Big fans of this blog, of which there are an unconfirmed amount (ahem), will remember that in 2009 I met a Ryan, an American while traveling in Scotland.  Here is the original post from that day.  Here is a post about the sunset and the castle we saw.  It was so cool to meet him and hang out during my first trip abroad.  He and I have stayed in touch over the years but have not seen each other since that day in 2009.  

Well, all of that changed in June of 2022.  I had purchased some Amos Lee tickets a few months back for a show he was to play in Austin, TX.  I reached out to Ryan and let him know I would be in town.  Being the incredibly gracious guy that he is, he offered for me to stay at his house over the weekend.  

What a great weekend it was.  I was able to hang out with his wife, friends and pups all weekend (I'm not sharing their names here just to protect everyone's anonymity....not that any of them have anything to hide, I just don't trust this internet thing sometimes).  

But it was an incredibly rich weekend full of connection, laughs, new people and new experiences.  Barton Springs, real Austin BBQ, the Texas Capital, great Mexican food, AMOS LEE, more Mexican food (this time for breakfast) and great conversation with Ryan and his wife were all the highlights of the weekend.

For me, it was so neat to be able to drop into the lives of these wonderful people for a few days, live like they live and connect with someone that I haven't seen for 13 years.  It was kind of funny to us:   Yes, we've stayed in touch but there are a TON of things we don't know about each other but then again there are things that we do.  We both laughed about how weird and awkward it was to spend time together in 2022.

Life has happened for both of us.  I know for me 2009 was a time in my life where I stood on the precipice of the rest of my life.  Maybe so for him too.  

Thanks Ryan and crew for an incredible weekend that I needed at this precipice of my life.

It’s Not the Place

You're here because you followed a link to my blog. Thanks for being here. This is a travel blog. Sort of. 

I use this blog to remember the things that I do when I travel. I also use it to share some things that I've learned or have learned throughout the years and over my travels in hopes you might find it useful, feel a little less alone, more connected to yourself and the world around you, and more.

Currently I'm sitting at LGA in terminal D awaiting my flight back to CLT.  Before I go any further, I'd encourage you to check out Clear. For years I've been in love with TSA Precheck, and while I'm not breaking up with it, I have found that Clear is TSA Pre on steroids.  In a fairly busy airport like LGA, there were around 30 people in the TSA Pre line this morning,  Not bad by any means.  But, there was 1 person ahead of me at the Clear line.  I scanned my eyes, yes, my eyes.  Waited about 90 seconds and walked right to a metal detector.  Correct, I didn't have to talk to the TSA agent (who seemed lovely, by the way).  Just a plug for a company out there doing nice things for people for $179 per year.  That's all. And, no, Clear isn't paying me.

I love travel. I think you know that. I say it often. Among other things, travel allows me the space to detach from my day to day life and experience something different. My world view is always expanded no matter where I visit. 

I experienced a lot of "different" this weekend from family gatherings, time with an old friend, comedy shows, a Ryan Adams show at Carnegie Hall, breakfast and a walk with an old friend this morning, and a phone conversation with a another old friend this morning. 

All of the above were great experiences for me. But it was breakfast this morning, the walk after it and the phone conversation back at the hotel that had me really going into inquiry. 

Inquiry is a powerful place for me to be. It's a space between knowing (or what I think I know) and decisions or doing. At least that's what inquiry feels like this morning. 

My friend is traveling the world, back and forth between NYC and a variety of places around Europe.  All of that sounds great.  I'm not here to write about "what I need to be doing with my life."  No.  I'm here to write about my experience of the life I have.  Of the life I'm creating.  And to think about the life I want to create moving forward.  

I wrote some this morning after breakfast and the phone conversation.  Here is what I wrote:

"What is the question I'm trying to answer?  

Is it:

What is waiting to be expressed through me in the world?

What will make me happy?

What will others be impressed with?

What can I get out of this life?

What can I accomplish in this life?

Who can I serve in this life?

How can I make the world a better place?

Who can I love while I'm here?"

All of these are big questions. As I look at them now, I believe that they are all connected in some ways.  

(I make no judgment on which question I'm trying to answer or the question you are trying to answer.  I'm simply just pondering. Inquiring.)

Often I'm going through life trying to answer the "what can I accomplish/what can I get out of life/what will make ME happy/what will others be impressed with" questions. I got into education trying to answer the "who can I serve/how can I make the world a better place" questions.  

Now, I'm trying to move toward answering the "who can I love (not romantic love)/what is waiting to be expressed in the world through me" as well as the "who can I serve/how can I make the world a better place" questions.  Those questions coupled together would make for quite an experience of life. 

"Trying" is the word I'm wanting to pay attention to. Another question for me: "when did I start to play the gimme, gimme, gimme game?" My worst days are the days in which I feel underappreciated, unloved, unacceptable, etc. I walk around wanting others to tell me I'm ok and doing a good job. Now listen, I get it.  I know people do that. But what I'm striving for is to be able to give that to myself more. Still a challenge. 

Ultimately my default, often, is to give more credence to what you think rather than to what I think.  It takes practice for me to be me. 

And that's all I'm trying to do.  Be me.  Being me can change the world.  Not in a, "Hey, look at what I'm doing over here y'all!  I'm changing the world.  You're welcome," kind of way.  Just me, being me, is what the world needs. 

"Don't ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive."

― Howard Thurman

Never Gets Old

I know. I've said it before.  Also, I know I've said it before.  (Interesting how much a period changes things)

Travel. Flying. Getting out of town. Seeing different things. Being in a different area.  Being around different people. All of things about travel:  it never gets old. Or at least up to this point of my life, it hasn't gotten old. 

I also enjoy writing. I haven't done it much lately.  Maybe I am running from something. In this case my "maybe" is a "yes." I'm trying to let that be ok.  Not really succeeding at being easy on myself. 

I've learned recently how much I expect me to:

Get it right every time

Always know how to do something 

Be perfect 

I also have a real fear of being wrong. 

Nice little mixture, right?  ;)

Forward. 

Delta Over Everyone

Bold.  Yes.  I know.  Also bold of me not to say hello after a long writing layoff.  However:  Delta, thank you.  Thank you for communicating. And communicating more. There are some other airlines that are on my last nerve.  And, yeah.  I get it.  These are all happy problems.  So, with that being said:  Delta.  Yes.  Thank you. 

100 Pages

 Yes. I’m typing this out on my phone.  (I’ll explain why I point that out in a few moments.)

I just read over 100 pages in a book.  This is a book that I started a few months ago.  It’s a book called What Drives Winning by Brett Ledbetter.  His stuff was recommended by a podcast guest we had a few months back (Chris Mongilia).  After watching some videos by Brett I was hooked on what he had to say about sport and life.  He sees the world of sport, competition, winning and more in much the same way I do.  

So, I started his book.  And I liked it. 

Then I stopped reading his book.  It sat for months on my coffee table. 

Before I left for this trip to NY/NJ (this is a travel blog….sort of), I packed the book.  

I started reading the book on the way out here.  Then I stopped.  I told myself, “See?  This is what you do.  You start things and don’t finish them.”  Sounds like a kind thing to say right?

But it’s often true.  What I then did was went to guilt and shame.  Those are fun emotions.  Lump in some judgment and then I’m really cooking. When I’m there, I’m stuck.  And when I get stuck, guess what:  I have more evidence that I don’t finish what I start, and so the carousel of my own creation continues.  And make no mistake, I’m the creator of all of it.  

Before I left La Guardia I picked the book back up out of my backpack.  I had about 45 minutes before my flight boarded so I started reading. I was hooked again.  I was seeing things that were inspiring to me.  Synapses were firing in my brain that felt good.  I was learning. I was reading.  I was connecting with material.  And I know that about myself:  when I’m reading I feel good.  I feel empowered.  I feel like I can do anything.  

But what do I often do?

I pick up my phone.  I check my email.  I check Twitter.  I may even check the news.  And to be honest:  I get sucked in.  Yes, there is plenty of information out there that has proven how addicting it can be to pick up the phone.  

It’s really as if books have no shot when it comes to competing for my attention.  But why is that?  

When I read, I feel great.  I feel accomplished.  I learn.  

When I zone out with my phone, I feel lethargic.  I feel soft.  

Where’s the balance?  I have a job.  I live in a connected world.  I have to check my email.  I have to check social media.  Right?

I think the answer is yes.  But what I just re-learned is that it really comes down to parenting myself.  Telling that part of me that just wants to zone out on my phone, “Hey, I hear you.  How about read for an hour and then you can look at your phone if you want?”  Not always easy for me to do, but I think that’s where the freedom is.  

Because, let’s be honest, my phone and even social media can be a GREAT thing.  It can provide connection to the world that I love, ESPECIALLY when I travel.  And yes, it has allowed to compose this post.  

What I’m seeing for myself in the near future:  a more intentional planning of my time.  Creating a curriculum for coaches and kids that will invite them to an inquiry around sport and their beliefs/behaviors in that area. Creating clarity for more things that I want in my life.  

I'm also seeing this for myself:  Being kind to myself.  Because, hey, I'm going to slip.  I'm going to get sucked into my phone.  I'm going to blow through those boundaries I set around my time.  And, yep, I'm going to be tempted to beat myself up.  What I want for me is to, as my good friend says, turn on the stream of compassion when I'm doing things that I wish I wasn't doing.  Because then, and only then, will I be able to actually SEE that I'm not doing what I really want to be doing.  (That's the insidious thing about technology....When I'm engaging in screen time it actually FEELS like I'm doing what I want to be doing, but oftentimes I'm not.  Check out The Social Dilemma on Netflix for more information on WHY it feels so good to be staring at a screen).

Here's the bottom line:  I want to engage more with life.  With people.  With the activities I want to be doing.  And I can.  It's up to me to do it.

As for the trip:  It was a blast.  Thanks to Kris and his family for another good time in the greater NY and NJ area.  

Peter Bradley Adams:  Great show.  City Winery was a great concert venue.  

The Greatest Games Podcast Crew:  WOW! What a great time that was Thursday night. Thank you all so much for coming out and connecting with all of us.  What a privilege it has been to get to know you.  Looking forward to more interactions in the future. 

Dr. D:  Great comedy show Friday night!

Mr. and Mrs. D:  Congratulations again on a beautiful place.  I’m so happy for y’all to be traveling and living the life you have.  Thanks for always being so real, genuine and welcoming to me.  

Blas:  Thanks for being there for me over the years.  It’s amazing to have a friendship that goes back so many years and so fun to have it continue.  

Hey Basketball, Thanks

I was a sophomore in college. I was pretty lost. I wasn’t involved in anything on campus. I had a few friends (or is it "I had few friends?"). I played a ton of video games.

At a camping trip, my friend mentioned that he heard the Men’s basketball team was looking for managers. I felt something shift inside of me. And I remember saying, “I’d kill to be able to do that.”

I didn’t kill anyone.

However, I did reach out and apply for a basketball student manager position, I interviewed (next time we talk remind me to tell you the story about Coach Fogler coming to the waiting room with a toy parrot on his shoulder), and I got the job.

Those last two and a half years as an undergraduate student at USC were heaven. I was around the game that I loved, people that I loved and it was new experience after new experience after new experience....and it was really fun. I was doing what I loved to do. I was meeting people. Working in the trenches with great folks. I was waking up early. I was filling up water bottles. I was wiping up sweat.

Yes, sweat.

And I loved every minute of it.

Because of that experience as a manager, I was able to get an opportunity as a graduate assistant two years later. I was living the dream again. Traveling, meeting people, working. It was another experience that I wouldn’t trade the world for.

During that time I worked with a fellow GA, Brett Carey. He came in my second year as a GA, and for that year I had a ball being around him and the rest of the crew. (Writing a book about all of the guys and experiences we had that year is long overdue. Trust me.)

Once I finished my time as a GA, I decided to pursue high school coaching. The following year when Brett’s time was up at USC, he went the college route and landed a job at his alma mater, UNC Asheville.

Most of the years during his time there I would make the drive up to watch a game and hang out for the weekend getting to be around the team, the coaches, the staff and even the team doctor (shoutout to Dr. Bob Boykin). I was having a blast. Those trips to Asheville were always life-giving and kept me around college basketball and all of the personalities that come with being around the game. Everyone I met at UNCA always made me feel welcome and cherish the times I had around their programs.

Brett then took a job at Indiana State in Terre Haute, Indiana four years ago. A quick peruse of this blog will show my love affair with Indiana, so needless to say my annual trips continued to visit with Brett.

I’m not sure I’ve ever felt more welcome at a place that is not my home than I do in Terre Haute. I’ve always loved the people of Indiana, but the people of Terre Haute have taken that love to a whole new level.

The coaches and staff members that I encountered during my time in Terre Haute welcomed me with open arms, and Greg Lansing (more on him later) treated me like I was one of their own.

Heck, even the Women’s Golf coach is the best. (G. Towne, I look forward to chatting with you more about growth and helping kids)

I even got to know some members of the community and they always me feel so welcomed.

And then there is Greg Lansing. Where do I begin with this one? What are a few of the words I would use to describe Coach Greg Lansing? Real. Honest. Caring. Engaging. Compassionate.

College basketball is an interesting landscape. I suspect it is similar to the landscapes of other industries. My experiences with coaches at the Division I level tells me that some of them are truly genuine souls that care deeply and that others of them are not. It’s a spectrum, and I’m not here to talk about other coaches. I’m here to talk about Greg Lansing. He is one-of-a-kind. Players love him. Coaches love him. The community loves him. And it’s easy to see why all of the above is true if you ever have the great pleasure to be around him.

I am incredibly grateful to him for the access he gave me to his program over the years. Being around him, his staff and his guys will forever be one of the greatest thrills of my journey throughout basketball. I am sad that his time in Terre Haute is over, however I am fully confident that the best is ahead of in life (with his wonderful wife Kristi) and his career because of who he is as a person.

So, basketball, thank you. Thank you for what you continue to provide this me through the relationships you have brought into my life.

BC, thanks for everything and for great times.

Let's Go Peay!

Yes, it's been over a year since I've posted to my blog. This past year has been a challenge. I love to travel, and the halt of the world because of The Great Pause and COVID-19, has certainly shown me how much I miss traveling. The above post was surrounding my trip to the 2021 Final Four in Indianapolis and the subsequent hanging out in Terre Haute, IN. Special people. Special place.

Dream Job

I was 15 years old playing varsity basketball for Eddie Talley at Wilson Hall when I decided I wanted to become a teacher and a coach.  The "teacher" part came as a bit of a shock to some of my friends as school wasn't something I tried very hard at.  I had endured the death of my best friend two years prior, was LOVING playing basketball for Coach Talley, realizing that I had a gift for remember X's and O's, and I decided that I wanted to be there for kids in the future just like coaches had been there for me in a very difficult and dark time.

I felt in alignment when I dreamed of being a teacher and a coach.  I didn't know what "alignment" meant back then, but I knew it felt true for me when I dreamt of being on the sidelines and in the front of a classroom.

So, I did what any dreamer that had clarity would do when they went to college:  I majored in Marketing and Management.  (insert record scratch sound effect here) That's right.  I studied in the School of Business at USC after I decided that those around me were right:  get a general degree just incase I don't know what I want to do when I'm done with school.  Sounds great, right?  The only problem is that I knew EXACTLY what I wanted to do.  Through working with the Men's Basketball team at USC, working camps and just being around basketball in general, my clarity had never been higher about wanting to do what I had been so clear about as a 15 year old.

Thankfully, I heard that Calhoun Academy needed a girls basketball coach.  I spoke with the AD, Adam Jarecki, and also the principal, Milly McLaughlin.  They wanted me, and I was sold!  And, they were going to pay me $14,000 a year to coach JV and Varsity Volleyball (a sport I had never played), JV and V Girls Basketball, and Boys Golf.  I couldn't believe it!  It was my dream setup and more money than I had ever heard of.  For two years I poured my heart, soul, body.....all of me into those kids and that community.  What a journey it was.  We were truly a "family."  (only those girls that played for me will really get the joke behind those quotation marks)

I love it so much that I decided I needed to go and get certified to teach.  And to do that, I found a Master's program at USC that ended up being another DREAM for me.  Between the years of 2004-2006 I was able to get my Master's of Arts in Teaching Business Education, build some of the best relationships of my life and two NIT rings with Men's Basketball at USC, this time as a Graduate Assistant.

It was time to search for a job, and thanks to the power of relationships, I was able to learn about the JV Boys Basketball job being open at Ridge View High School.  I had worked with John Combs during my manager days with USC and he was building a program at Ridge View.  I accepted the JV Boys job after a tough as nails interview with David Gordon (that's serious....not a joke.....hardest interview of my life and one that I felt like I completely blew).  During that interview I also agreed to become the Boys Cross Country coach at Ridge View along with the Career Prep Job Coach for Ridge View and Blythewood High Schools.  (side note:  seeing all of this on paper is really interesting.  Apparently I've never been one to just take "one" job.  But, I digress.)

For 9 years I was living the dream AGAIN.  I ended up coaching Boys Golf and Boys Track during those 9 years as well.  And when I say I was as happy as I could have ever imagined I could be, I mean it.....and then some.  I was busy all of the time, interacting with kids, interacting with parents, involved in athletics, traveling.  It was incredible.

5 years ago David Gordon decided to step aside into an Assistant Principal's role.  It was then that I needed to decide whether to try for the Athletic Director's job or not.  I knew there was a large part of me that would love that job.  And I also knew there was a large part of me that had just come off one of my favorite year's of coaching.  If you're still reading this, I would be happy to tell you about the time I erroneously called out a player in front of the JV Basketball team AND also the time I learned the truth about "5 bad calls."  Email me at brosefield@richland2.org and we can set up a time to talk about those transformational moments for me.

But, I decided to go for the job.  And I got it.  And very quickly I was asking myself, "what in the world were you THINKING?!!?  You gave up your dream job to be busier than humanly possible, more tired than humanly possible all while NOT coaching?!?!?"  You can tell that with thinking like that, it was a tough year for me.

It wasn't until probably halfway through year two as an AD that I realized that I had a great job, and I now had a chance to coach coaches.   And by coaching coaches, my ideas on life and sports might reach more kids.

Let me be clear at this point in this post:  As a young coach I wanted to WIN.   I thought that was all there was to sports.  X's, O's, hustle and WINS.  I couldn't have been more wrong.  It took several years, hundreds of special kids and many teams to teach me that sports is much more than wins and losses.  Everyone loves a winner.....I get it.  But, when I decided to be a coach at age 15, that had nothing to do with winning.  It had everything to do with love.  Loving kids.  Helping kids.  Letting kids know that they aren't alone.  Letting them FEEL that someone had their back.

So it was in year two (I think) that we developed our Athletic Department Core Values (Ownership, Continuous Improvement, Truth, Unity and Service), our Mission Statement (#NextLevel - what are we doing to help our kids grow through the sport they are participating in at Ridge View) and our Athletic Department Vision (We want our kids to look back on their time with our Athletic Department as the most valuable time in their lives....we literally want them to look back and say, "my life was transformed through the experiences I had playing sports at Ridge View.").  If we can, as coaches and administrators, make decisions through those filters then WOW can we have an impact.  And the funny thing is, and I first realized this coaching Cross Country, that by truly living through the above filters, the winning takes care of itself.  If we are truly trying to development young people on the field/court and off, the winning will happen.  It's the most interesting paradox I've ever seen.

All of this takes me to year 5 in this job where I have truly come to an acceptance of what I get to do.  I truly get excited because of the role I get to play in the development of our student-athletes, our coaches, our staff, administration, community and beyond. 

Today I was recognized as the Region III-AAAA Athletic Director of the year.  I'd like to thank Jason Powell for the nomination and the rest of the Region ADs for voting me for this honor.  Those guys are first-class and I'll miss interacting with them on a weekly basis as I have for the past 5 years.  It's been a real blast.

I realized several things this week while in Charleston for our annual AD's conference.  The first is that I am truly thankful for the opportunity I have to be around kids, coaches, schools, athletics and community.  I am also thankful to be a part of the fraternity/sorority of high school Athletic Directors.  What a fun bunch they are.  I really appreciate my connections with the ones that see the world as I do:  that we're here to give kids a chance to grow. 

I'm beginning to ramble.  Maybe you'd say I started rambling at the conclusion of the title.

All I really want to say is this:  I have come to an acceptance that I have a place in this world and that, once again, I have my dream job.  Working with the kids, coaches, staff, administration, families, district, community and beyond at Ridge View has been an incredible experience for me.  To be recognized today was nice, I'm not going to lie.  But you know that's not why I'm doing this.  I've never been more clear about my desire to love and accept others and to help them feel a little less alone than I am now.  What else is there?  The wins fade, but the experiences, the love.....they go on and on and on.