Post Japan

(I wrote most of this on the way back from Japan on Sunday, July 21, 2019)

I’ve been kinda pissy today.  I know that I’m tired.  I know I’ve got a cold.  And I think I’m a little pissed that I have to leave Japan today.  I guess I don’t HAVE to leave today.  

I could:

Stay

Get fired 

Lose my house

And on and on 

I’m not willing to do any of the above.  So, I’ll stay on this airplane back to the States. 

If anyone has read any of my posts from this trip they would know I had a good time in Japan.  I mean a really, really good time.  I always like to write at the end of my trip.  Interestingly I’m finding myself not wanting to write at this moment.  

And that’s ok too.  I don’t have to judge that.  

However, I think there is something at play here for me today:

Typically when I travel I have an amazing time.  I meet new people.  I see new things.  Try new food.  Learn new things.  Did I mention I have an amazing time?  

With that being true, I typically interpret the experiences I have while traveling as anomalies and think things like:

1.  These types of experiences don’t or can’t happen in my normal life back home.

2.  People in different countries/states are more friendly and accepting than people at home in SC.

The reality is that neither of the above are true.  Here’s the truth:

1.  I have incredible experiences at home in SC.  And, I can have more.

2.  There are friendly, loving, incredible people everywhere....some just speak native languages and/or have different accents than mine. 

Somewhere along the way I learned that I need to hide.  I don’t like that.  I’m not sure where I learned it.  But I exhibit that behavior from time to time.  Oftentimes when someone asks me to do something, my answer is “no.”  I don’t like that.  

The fact is:  I’m more open to people and experiences when I travel.  I’m a “yes” kind of guy when I travel.  That’s why I love to travel.  I can be who I want to be.  I can speak to people.  I can build relationships with people.  I believe there’s a reason for that:  there’s SAFETY in knowing that I may not see them again in my life.  Here's more truth:  I'm hard-wired to be concerned about what others think.  Oftentimes, I make decisions based on what I think other people are thinking, and I get down the road and look back and think, "what am I doing?  I never wanted this."  It's scary.  And I'm aware of it.  And I'm working on it.  And, I'm much better at recognizing that distorted thinking.  

That’s what makes this trip so unique. Pablo made this trip unique for me.  I spent a lot of time with him, met his friends and spent time with them, AND even met his family and spent time with them.  It all still blows me away to think about it....to think about how all of that just happened.  It happened because I spoke to him and he spoke to me.  I said “yes” to his invitation to hang out with him and his buddies.  And off we were.  

And there’s still a part of me that thinks that what happened for me with Pablo, for example, is the anomaly.  Now, let me be honest, I have a hard time believing that I’ll meet another Pablo in my life while traveling.  Someone that open, fun, honest, curious, intelligent, loving and real.  Maybe I will. But I think I’ll be hard-pressed. 

That’s beside the point.  

My point is:   There is still a part of me that feels like I don’t deserve good times and good friends. That I don’t deserve friends like Pablo.  That I don’t deserve loving people in my life like Antonio, Luis, and Pablo’s wife and kids.  

And so I hide.   

I hate that I feel that way and behave that way.  There are people in Columbia that want to hang out with me.  Like truly want to hang out with me.  And oftentimes I prioritize other things over those relationships and over spending time with them.  And that’s a “me” challenge.  (And as I am going back to re-read this before posting, I realize that I don't have to "hate" myself of these types of thoughts and behaviors.  I can accept them.  Accept that there is a little boy inside of me that developed hiding as a strategy to survive.  And I can love and accept that about him/me and realize that I/he am doing the best I/he can.  If this doesn't make any sense, I'd be happy to share more offline about my experience with Little Brian work.)

Travel brings out the best in me.  I get to show up in a different part of the world or US and just be me.  I can take risks without the constant “looking over my shoulderness” (or codependency) that is typically ever-present for me.  That codependency can really cripple me if I allow it and if I listen to the fear associated with it.  Travel allows me to largely, not totally, leave that codependency behind.  And, it's funny, as I was talking with a friend this morning, I realize that one of the biggest fears I have is looking like a fool or looking like an idiot.  And that type of thinking is ALL centered around what others are thinking of me.  And, again, I'm hard-wired to be in tune with what others are thinking.    

I write the above paragraph to say:  I want to be different.  I want to show up differently in Columbia and in the US in general.  I want to forge deeper relationships with the people that care about me and that I care about.  I can do that.  I can allow myself to be accepted for me.  I can remember that I don't have to perform for love or be a certain way in order to be accepted.  That's one reason I like writing like this publicly. I realize that most people don't read this and most don't make it this far.  And that's ok.  But, this is a way for me to publicly tell on myself.  It's risky.  It's risky to put this type of thinking out into the world.  I know that if someone makes it this far they may think, "That dude is weird," or something similar.  And you know what?  They'd be right.  And I'm ok with being different.  I'm ok with being a thinker....a processor.  I love that about me.

Delta has a wonderful promo video they show prior to their safety video.  Which, by the way, their safety video is hilarious yet informative and really holds my attention.  View it here.  The CEO of Delta says a couple of things I love in the promo before the safety video:

1. Travel is the ultimate teacher

2. Travel challenges our beliefs

He says more, but these are the two that stuck out to me.  I love both of those statements and especially the first one when it comes to this trip.  

It happened again for me.  I hopped on a plane, landed in another part of the world and I learned.  I learned about a new part of the world.  I learned about people.  I learned about myself.  I was rejuvenated.  My lighthouse light was lighted again. 

Sam Glenn is a motivational speaker that I had the distinct pleasure to hear four years ago.  See some of his work here.  But, he talked about that we all have our light go out from time to time.  And it's up to us to light it again.  My light got lit again by travel, and I'm terribly and extraordinarily thankful to have had the opportunity to do this.

I'm thankful for:

• Pablo and his family
• Luis, Antonio and the two Japanese women at Hub
• Eric
• Yasu and Kumi at Docheche in Okayama.
• Isabelle
• Tanaka at Tanaka Guesthouse in Kyoto
• The Japanese man at the first restaurant I stopped in for lunch in Tokyo
• The woman in Kyoto smiling and dancing in the rain
• The Japanese people in general.  I learned so much about respect and true caring for humans from them throughout my time in Japan.

I'm thankful to have seen and done many things:

• Seeing Teresa in Kyoto Station was a real hoot.  Had to come to Japan to see a high school classmate!
• Riding the Shinkansen (Bullet Train)....incredible way to travel.
• Eating amazing takoyaki, sashimi, ramen, gyoza, yakisoba, okonomiyaki (this was my favorite.  Pablo and I had it in Kyoto Station one evening), carepan, eating comfort food at Lawson's and Familymart, oden soup for breakfast and more.  Oh and eating Kobe Beef.  What a wonderful lunch that was.
• Seeing Fushimi-Nari, Senso-Ji and Nezu Shinto Shrines (and others) and many Buddhist Temples throughout the country.
• Sitting in Higashi-Honganji Temple in Kyoto.  This was my first experience of peace and quiet in a traditional Buddhist Temple and something that I won't soon forget.
• Spending the day in Kurashiki with Pablo's family.
• Seeing the Hiroshima Peace Memorial Museum.
• Visiting the onsen public bath in Kyoto.
• Discovering the world of Train Station Lockers.  Game.  Changer.
• Playing music in Okayama.  Still hard to believe that happened.  What a night.
• Communicating with Luis via Google Translate in Kyoto.
• Taking the boat trip with Pablo
• Stopping and pausing at Tenryu-Ji Temple in Arashiyama.
• and much, much more.

I put those lists there for my memory.  

I realized something a long time ago when traveling.  Yes, it's cool to see things, experience new foods, new cultures, and all of the new things that come with travel.

But.

It's the people.  It's the people that move the meter for me.  It's the people that create something special for me.  It was the people that I came into contact with that created an amazing Japan experience for me.  I love people.  I love having fun with people.  Connecting with them.  Talking with them.  Experiencing life with them.  It was through them that I was able to learn about myself.  To see things open up within me.

It's still hard for me to believe this trip happened the way it did for me.  I'm in awe of it all.  Of everything.  Of everyone.  

Thank you for following on this journey.  It's so helpful for me to write.  To get my thoughts out.  Thank you for being a part of this with me.  Oh, and that part at the beginning of this post where I said I didn't feel like writing?  That happens from time to time.  And yet, when I put "pen to paper," usually the words flow and flow.

I wish you peace and connection.

More photos can be viewed here.