Hostels Are Like Coaching Conferences

For those of you that are not in the coaching world, there's a joke that circulates in our community. It says, "If you're ever feeling lonely, go to a coaching conference." It's so true. I'm thankful to get to go to the Men's Final Four every year as the National Association of Basketball Coaches holds that annual conference there. The great thing is that I don't everyone there but in a way, I know everyone there. Here's what I mean:

Me: "Hi Coach."
Coach: "Hi Coach, how are you?"

And there you have it. Instant connection with another like minded individual.

My point with that ridiculous analogy is that hostels are such a great place to get connected with people. I'll be honest, when I checked in here last night, I got the sense that people here were a little "colder" that I was used to at the last two hostels. I also recognize that that was, was more than likely, my own distorted beliefs. And you know what? Maybe I was right. But I bought into the belief and mostly kept to myself....that is, until this morning at breakfast.

I had the choice to sit by myself, or choose to sit with the people that looked a little more like me in hopes that we could have a common "Hi Coach" kind of connection. However I chose to sit with the guy that was sitting by himself, looked a little older and looked to be somewhere from the Middle East. And guess what? We had more in common than I ever thought. More on that in a minute.

There are several things that I am working on actively. One of them is to acknowledge my fears. Most of the time I do that with myself. One of the other things I'm working on is being "more known." Some May call it being more vulnerable. Whatever you or I call it, I'm working to be a little more "obtuse," not necessarily in a Shawshank Redemption kind of way, but just more defined. One reading I saw a few months back called it "perpendicular" meaning that I don't have to go along with everything someone says or does. I can have my own thoughts, feelings, beliefs, attitudes and actions.

So with that being said(and here's the vulnerability by sharing my fear), one of my fears is terrorism. Literally I have a fear of something happening to me while traveling(or stateside for that matter). So sitting with a Middle Eastern man at a hostel was a way for me to press into my fear(something else I'm working on) to see what happens. I'll tell you something else I'd like to acknowledge, my first thought was to judge him as "lesser than." Interestingly that's what I do with myself.

Quick sidebar: I believe there's a lot of truth here. The more I judge others, the more I judge myself. And the more I judge myself, the more I judge others. I believe a lot of that is born out of deeply rooted thoughts and feelings about myself that are very negative and very distorted. Therefore, here are the equations:

Feeling crappy about myself(ie feeling like I don't measure up, I'm not good enough, etc) + judging others = isolation and disconnection

I also believe it can look like this:

Feeling crappy myself(ie feeling like I don't measure up, I'm not good enough, etc) + judging myself by/while comparing myself to others = isolation and disconnection

Yet another equation can look like this for me:

Judge myself + judge others = isolation and disconnection

I've realized after years of work that I'm really only truly seeking deep connection with my God, myself and others. That's why I do all of the things that I've done and continue to do. I believe that's what any human is looking for. But who am I to judge them or myself about how I'm getting that connection?

What if approached life from a perspective of acceptance? Acceptance of myself. Acceptance of others. I mean, like REAL acceptance. Accept of what they:
Look like
Believe
Practice
Their Attitudes
Eat
Do
Etc.

And furthermore, what I could accept all of those things about myself rather than comparing myself to others?

My point is, the equation that I'm seeking more and more now is:

Acceptance of me(knowing that God made me) + Acceptance of others(knowing that God made others) = True connection and love(of myself, of others and God)

Even as I type that I realIze how simple that sounds. It feels good when I approach life from that posture. I fall short of that a lot of times(ie judging the man this morning). However I'm so thankful for awareness, which for me comes a lot through writing, so I can correct things and move to a place of acceptance.

I had a buddy of mine tell me that much of life, if not all of life, is about acceptance. And I believe he's right.

Don't misunderstand me, acceptance doesn't mean I have to hang out and spend time with everyone. It just means I get to let them live their lives. I get to let me live my life. I don't have to control what others are doing(or thinking about me.....that could be a whole other post). I can let them be. I can sit and talk with them if I choose and learn more about them.

I did that this morning. I sat with this man. I'll call Steve. That's not his name. I respect people's anonymity and I am very ignorant about things in Steve's country so I don't want, even though the chance is very small, for someone to find out about him in his country and for it to come back to hurt him or his family.

Steve lives in an extremely Muslim country. However he is a Christian. And you know, when he said that, I saw a glow in his eyes. Maybe I could talk more about that later. But he is really ALIVE. He went on to tell me what it's like to be a Christian in a Muslim country. He can't talk with anyone about his beliefs or the police will arrest him. Or Muslims will burn his house.

He has a heart for his people and wants to affect change in them through education and schooling. Slow, incremental change. He loves and cares for his people. When asked if he ever wants to leave, he said no. He had a house, his family is there and he has no interest in leaving. It sounds like he has a vision and I love that.

Man, I really had no intention of writing all of this when I sat down.

He comes to Kraków on business a good bit and has made friends with a priest here who he says, "Does a good job of explaining the teachings of Jesus." How cool is that? Here's a guy that, I would imagine has limited resources when it comes to getting the teaching he craves, so he finds it when he travels. I love it.

Steve, thank you for being my teacher this morning. Thank you for showing me pictures of your family and allowing me to see your face light up when you did so. Thank you for being yet another bright spot on this journey towards becoming a better version of myself.