On May 28, 2019 I got a text from Kris that the official final party at Sherman Avenue was going to be June 15, 2019.
Here’s the actual text:
“So the official bash to celebrate 43 years on Sherman Avenue is June 15 at 3pm, and Ron and Clare just told me to make sure Rosefield is here to celebrate”
Followed by:
“Clare was damn serious.”
True to my word I put it on my list to look at flights because this is a party I didn’t want to miss. A few days later, I had a ticket in hand.
(When it comes to posting things on the internet, I try to be careful putting information out there when it concerns people other than me. For that reason, I’ll only be using first names)
I met Ron and Clare for the first time in 2001 during my first trip to NYC and the surrounding area. They picked Kris, Casey and me up at the airport and took us straight to Sherman Avenue for what turned out to be one of the most epic nights of my life. And no, I wasn’t drinking. That evening featured two huge pots of Chicken Scarpariello, the random guy from down the street and some of the most spirited discussion at a dinner table I had ever experienced. Truth be told, I was floored at how honest, joking and fun this family was. I didn’t have words to express it at the time, but looking back at that night and the ensuing tour of NYC by car, I was blown away by the way this family welcomed me in to the fold. This weekend was no different.
I have been friends with Kris since 2000. It wasn’t until the trip mentioned above in 2001 that I started to meet his family. There have been too many trips, dinners, rounds of golf, and general experiences for me to list here (plus my memory is terrible anyway), but what happened this weekend is something that I want to share.
I landed in New York first thing Friday morning and quickly hopped buses and trains to get to Battery Park to board a boat to Liberty Island followed by Ellis Island. I’m glad I did those things. This was trip number 11 for me to NYC and I’ve been able to encounter some pretty incredible things and see some awesome sights during my time here:
Empire State Building
One World Center
Top of the Rock
Seen several shows on Broadway
Walked the Brooklyn Bridge
Been in Madison Square Garden
Metropolitan Museum of Art
Towed a boat in Central Park
Times Square
Helicopter ride around Manhattan
Staten Island Ferry
And probably some other things I’ve forgotten
A lot of things on that list I’ve done by myself. It’s possible that this trip more than any other has shown me what I’ve craved for so long: connection.
Let me be clear:
1. I have a wonderful family.
2. I have wonderful friends.
3. I have a wonderful job where I work around tons of people.
4. I am 62% introverted on the Meyers Briggs.
I say all of the above for several reasons:
I have a wonderful life that has tons of connection in it. I also enjoy doing things occasionally by myself.
Lastly, and most importantly, I have been carrying a deeply rooted belief that sounds something like this:
“I don’t belong. I’m not accepted. People don’t want to be around me. I’m a fraud. I’m not lovable. People don’t really want to talk with me. I’m only worth what I can do for other people. I have to be liked by others to feel ok.”
Tough belief to carry around, right? From a stance of curiosity and non-judgment, I can see how hard it has been for me to do relationship with ANYBODY carrying that boulder around, right? Like, wow. That must have been tough.
A lot of the work I’ve done the last year interiorly has centered around changing this belief. I’ve had some real shifts and have slowly started to be able to see the truth about me:
“That I do belong. That I am acceptable. That I’m lovable. That I love and am loved. That I do have certain gifts to offer this world and others. And that I can be ok regardless of what people around me think about me.” This journey has been one of real struggle and real joy. I’m so incredibly thankful to be on it with some absolutely amazing humans living in various places around the world. What a fortunate guy I truly am.
Back to that trip. Friday night I arrived at Kris’ apartment to dump my stuff and hop in the car with him to go to an open comedy mic night her was performing in. He absolutely killed it. Kris was by far the most entertaining comic that night, and yes I’m biased, but it’s been awesome to see his progress over the years as he has continuously shown up and worked on his craft. Want to hear some of his work? Check on the 2 Guys From Jersey Podcast anywhere you get your podcasts.
Saturday was the big day. But before we could the party rolling, there was some final preparations that needed to happen. The team assembled at Kara and Mike’s house. Keith arrived a few minutes later. Barley was there and was petted thoroughly. It was a gorgeous morning to sit outside in the NJ breeze to figure out the plan. We loaded up some items and headed out to Sherman Ave.
The reason Ron and Clare are leaving Sherman Ave. after 43 years, you ask? Clare’s dream has been to live in a place she could view the New York City skyline. So that’s what they are going to do. They have purchased a condo that provides the most comprehensive view of the city I have ever seen in my 11 trips to the area. It’s unreal. The pictures simply do not do it justice.
This part of the story is important to me. One of the things I’ve worked to figure out during this journey to become more fully myself is trying to find out what it is that I truly want. Here is a couple that knows exactly what they want. They have worked extremely hard over their lives, raised a loving family and now they want to live in a place they can see the city. And they’re going to do it. What a concept. Too often I believe that the things I want are not important or can’t be achieved. Here’s an example from two folks that I respect greatly showing me that I CAN do the things I want. Thank you Ron and Clare for that example.
The party began at 4pm and the party goers started rolling in. More and more. They kept coming. They kept going. And they kept coming. It finally died down around 11pm.
For me, the party was warm and welcoming. Kris’ family is so much fun. I’ve come to expect a great time anytime I’m around them. I was blown away by some of the party goers. I was able to sit at a table for much of the night and enjoy conversations with Glenn and then Gary. I learned so much from both of them. Gary especially spoke about his kids and how they were friends with other kids and how the parents all become friends through the kid's activities. He painted a picture of a world of Connection. Family. Friends. Community. It was beautiful. And to be able to sit at a party surrounded by a lot of the folks that he was talking about was really special.
Connection. Family.
Today has been interesting for a lot of reasons. Mainly because today is Father’s Day. My father passed away almost three years ago. I woke up this morning and thought about that briefly and then quickly told myself, “Nah. I’m good. It won’t be a big deal today.” Then I got a text from Brooke asking me how I was, and I quickly realized that there was some real sadness there for me. A sense of loss. A sense of missing Dad and the connection that I had with him. Then some guilt and shame came in telling me that I should have done more to have a better relationship with him. Thank goodness I’ve learned to just notice those thoughts and feelings and not judge them.
I became aware of some real gratitude, which I count as a feeling. Real gratitude about what this family has meant to me. Here I was in NJ at yet another family get together and here I was being treated like I do, in fact, belong. I had people I didn’t know talking with me. Interacting with me. Asking me questions and being truly interested in who I am. And I was able to show up that way for them. I've spent a lot of my life running from true connection. The folks in NJ provided me just that and I couldn't be more thankful for my experience here.
Saying goodbye to Ron and Clare today is something that I won’t soon forget. “You’re always welcome here,” they said. I’m not sure if they could see me tearing up when they said that, but what I felt at that point was true love. True acceptance. Like I was a part of and not apart from. There's a big difference in my opinion.
This weekend has been amazing for me. I didn’t expect to feel as connected as I did. I didn’t expect to see that I want more connection. And I learned that I can be the driver of that connection with my own friends and family. I can welcome people in with open arms to my life and follow the lead of this wonderful family from NJ.
Ron and Clare, congratulations on the selling of your house and the following of your dreams. Kris, Kara, Mike, Keith, Jessica and the rest of the family, thank you for a truly amazing weekend. A weekend filled with fun, connection and acceptance. I can’t thank you all enough.
