Pardon Me, That’s My Armrest?

Codependency is a funny thing.  I was asked recently to define what it really meant.  I gave a meandering answer to that question.  Maybe this post will serve as a definition?

Flying is something I love.  It's something I love even though I experienced my first aborted landing from CAE to CLT, and I am currently experiencing smells on this flight that I didn't quite know were humanly possible.  You're not sure what an aborted landing is?  Well, it's when the plane descends towards the runway and JUST before touchdown the pilot hits full throttle, raises the landing gear and takes the plane around for one more try at a landing.  No need to check your calendar, it is not April Fools.   

Back to the point of this post:  Being in the middle seat while flying is not the most comfortable of experiences.  Flying can be uncomfortable enough, but sandwiching a 235 pound guy between two strangers offers ample opportunity for this 235 pound guy to climb into stranger's heads.  

One such opportunity to climb into other's heads is the fight over the armrests.  Airlines cover tons of information during the boarding process:  how to use a seatbelt, verbal confirmations for exit row seating (yes, I've heard one person answer "no" during that portion....didn't expect that one), and a plethora of other information.  But, to my surprise, airlines do cover armrest etiquette.  

There are some numbers I'd like to run through here before continuing: 

3 seats

4 armrests

3 people 

6 arms (usually, but not always)

So who gets the armrests?  It's not so simple.  It can be. But let me make this difficult too.  

Here's one way to look at it:  I'm in the middle seat.  Throw me a bone, guys and give me me the middle two armrests.  I mean, aren't I suffering enough being sandwiched between y'all?  (Maybe one day I'll post more on my propensity to be a victim.)

This brings me to another point/question:  What is the appropriate amount of touching on a flight?  Don't act like you don't know what I'm referring to.  Are my knees allowed to rest on another person's knees?  How about elbows touching elbows?  Or, here's a fun one, can a stranger's elbow rest on my right love handle? (Nope.  Not making that one up.  Wish I was.  But, I'm not.)

Am I the only that thinks about stuff like this?  I can't be.  I guess it doesn't matter if I am the only one that thinks about things like this or not. The important thing is to note that the whole time I've been typing this my elbows have been OFF  the middle two armrests.  I mean, these guys probably need the armrests more than me, right?   (Oh and maybe I can post more about being a martyr....not that I would know anything about that 🤔)  

Maybe next time I get on a flight I could just open up a dialog with my fellow seatmates.  Maybe it's time to bring some social awareness to this issue. Feel free to jump in and let's get people talk. 

#ArmrestsForAll

A Slight Departure

This post is a slight departure from the typical travel-oriented posts on this blog.  And yes, the use of the word departure is appropriate and also an intended pun.  Puns, are fun.  I also love the word "pun."  There are few words in the English language as fun as the word pun.  Three letters of fun are contained in the word pun.  Ok that's enough of pun.  Pun.  Ok now I'm done.

I'm wearing a pink shirt today.  I wear it every few weeks.  I'm also wearing bright shoes that contain the color pink as well.  Why am I wearing this today, you ask, oh fictitious reader?  Because I wanted to.  I wanted to wear bring colors for no other reason than I wanted to.  I give you that information for some context on what I'm about to type, or what I think I will type, because honestly I have no idea what I'm going to type.  I mean seriously, the previous sentence I just typed:  I had no idea I would type that or that I would use the word "type" as many times as I have in this post.  The same would also be said about the word "pun."  Lots of digressions so far in the post.  Let me get back to the task at hand and the reason I'm typing this.  There's that word again.  No judgment.  Just noticing it.

I walked into grab my second cup of coffee like I normally do here at work in the same place that I do that on most days.  A lady that has worked her for a few years looked up at me as I entered and said, "You just....just look bright."  Wearing what I'm wearing today I just assumed she meant that in regards to what I was wearing.  But she went on.  "You just seem bright.  You know how people get when they have a new girlfriend or a new boyfriend.  You just seem bright."

I simply replied, "Thank you."  The urge existed in me to deflect or make some joke to not take ownership and accept what she was saying.  And I'm glad I decided to accept it.  Because she's right.  I do feel bright.  I feel peaceful.  I feel joy.  I am simply feeling....lots of things lately.  And it's freaking awesome.

Oh, and no.  I don't have a girlfriend. 

The reality is that over the past few years I've been on a journey of self-discovery and connection with myself, others and my Higher Power.  And it's been just that:  a journey.  Ups.  Downs.  Highs.  Lows.  Diversions.  Detours.  Times of focus.  Times of cloudiness.  Times of clarity.  Challenges.  Ease.  Love.  Acceptance. Judgment.  Hurt.  Pain.  And more love.  It's been incredible.  I wouldn't have had it any other way.  I can truly say I'm thankful for the twists and turns of my life and I'm happy and thankful to be where I am today.

This past weekend I spent time with 22 other men in a workshop surrounding masculinity and what it means to truly be masculine.  I'll spare you the details of the workshop and the inner mechanics and workings of it, but I'll say this:  It was incredibly loving, challenging, painful, and enlightening.

We talked about the greatest gift of the masculine as being presence.  Truly being present with the feminine and really everyone.  I hear that and I hear acceptance...letting others be themselves.  Letting them be happy, sad, hurt, glad, in pain, loving.  I can let other people just be other people.  I don't have to control them nor fix them.  That's not my job.  And truthfully, I can see how often I try to fix others.  For some reason I think I know exactly what other people need to be doing in their lives and the choices they need to be making.  Thankfully, I'm able to see that, and now I have the choice and the chance to let go of that.  What freedom there is in knowing that others have the chance to live their own lives.

We also talked about principles and living life from a principled place. I've heard that kind of verbiage over the years and, truthfully, had a hard time making the connection of what it really meant.  Michael was able to explain it in such a way that I was finally able to grasp it.

Principles protect me.  They protect my spirit.  They protect my mission and my vision.  I get the chance to select the principles that I want to live by, define them and then put an action in place to practice the principle.  For example:

• Honesty....Being honest with myself and others......Therefore I will always tell the truth.
• Ownership....Seeing my part in the pain, anger, joy, failure, success, etc.....Therefore everyday I was spend time by myself writing out a 10th step (as 12 step culture would call it) answering questions to help me see my part in things.

What practical information!  By practicing these principles, I am protecting me.  I'm showing myself that I can be trusted.  By not practicing these principles, I'm reinforcing that deep belief that I can't be trusted, that I'm not good enough, that I'm not worthy.  

One of the other top plate ideas I received out of this weekend is the concept of surrender.  Up until now I had defined surrender as "well, I gotta NOT do THAT," or "I gotta give that up."  Surrender though, as explained this weekend, is giving up something to gain something better.  I've seen that in such a real way in my food.  It's not that I can't eat fast food or processed food, but I've largely surrendered that type of food for the better foods (organic, clean, real) that really help me feel better!  What a great definition of surrender that I can apply to my whole life.  

Anger....I get to surrender the anger and resentment that I'm tempted to hang on to.  I get to surrender it for the acceptance that people are going to be people, they are not going to act the way I think (and judge) they should act, they are going to look out for themselves first, they are not going to be perfect, and on and on and on.  I can ACCEPT and LOVE them for who they are!  I can turn them loose from the resentment I hold and FORGIVE them.  I can realize that they were doing the best they could.  What interesting concepts. ;)

Interesting post for me.  There's more I learned, and those are the top few that I wanted to remember.  The truth is:  I do feel better.  I love this interior work.  I want to keep pursuing it with my eyes open and without judgment.  What a gift I get to give to myself too:  acceptance.  Just noticing what I'm up and not judging the heck out of myself for the things I do.  The judgment leads to the shame and the shame is what keeps me stuck.  I'm not interested in being stuck anymore.  I'm interested in adventure.  And that adventure can be found in my daily life here.  Oh, and it can also be found by jumping on a plane.

Until then, I wish you love, peace and authenticity.